What makes each of us, us? Are we the sum total of our quirks, virtues, shortcomings and goodness? Or, do we choose to define ourselves through what’s bright and light in each of us?
I’ve often noticed that we like to shove our quirks and
shortcomings under the proverbial carpet, or not acknowledge them at all...like
they belong to someone else. Like the cheap accessories the lady at the
supermarket sports; like eccentric clothing on the fashion ramp that we look at
and comment on, but never venture out to buy.
It’s so easy to look at someone else and comment on their
shortcomings. But it’s just as difficult to look in the mirror of our souls and
touch upon what’s dark, what’s negative, what’s not so-suitable in us.“Oh, I’m not like that at all!” “I would never do what she
did!” “I don’t believe in that!” You hear statements like that all the time.
Statements flung about carelessly in gossip sessions and locker rooms, during
coffee mornings and parties. Statements that are actually meant to judge
another, while acquitting the speaker of the said ‘sin’. Statements that
sometimes reveal more about a person than self-professed manifestoes about
one’s goodness.
But really, if each of us stops for a moment and thinks this
through, do we really believe that we’re made of sugar and sunshine, only sugar and sunshine? Or, do we want
to paint our façade with everything that’s supposed to be nice and accepting,
while burying what’s unfavorable in the depths of our existence?
Sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously, we try
to hide our ‘flaws’. We build this image of ourselves in our own minds; an
image that’s benevolent and balanced, rational and rare.
We add every quality to this image that the world, the onlooker, family will
find attractive, adorable or endearing. We do this to conform, to be loved, to
keep criticism at an arm’s distance, to be part of the herd. But in the process
of creating and refining this image, we stop taking cognizance of the real us.
The real us with the moles and quirks. That us that’s made of both –
the positive and the negative.
My journey on the path of self-acceptance: Over the past
couple of years, I’ve been trying to stop worshiping the Image, being a slave
to what others think, and being hard on myself just because someone doesn’t
approve of the complete me. It’s not been easy because any kind of honesty
takes courage and faith and patience. Courage because you’ll have plenty of
roadblocks along the way in the form of critiques and comments. Faith because
without this you’ll want to give up on your quest to acknowledge and accept
your true self. Endurance because this goal is for the long haul and without
oodles of stamina, you’ll sure run out of steam.
This is what I’ve learnt while on this journey to accept my
version of sugar and spice and all that’s not so nice:
Almost everyone around you will want to whittle down those
qualities of yours that they perceive as personality flaws or they find
inconvenient.
You will attract a beehive full of comments and gossip
because in the entire group you’ll probably be the only one wearing your true
self on your sleeve. Honesty is often met with disapproval.
Sometimes you’ll stop and wonder what’s more difficult –
being the true you or changing yourself to suit others.
When I say this, I do not mean that you should not work at
being a better version of you. Or that you should flaunt your flaws. But what
I’m talking about here is getting to know the real you. Self-acceptance and being less hard on yourself. None
of us are perfect. But instead of going down the path of self-flagellation, let’s work at working with what we're all about.
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